Around 600 000 people are in the air at any one time, as passengers and crew of the
3 300 aircraft aloft somewhere. That’s more or less the same as the population of the
city of Khumasi in Ghana, or Lilongwe in Malawi. Like all interesting nations and
cities, the world’s population of fliers is very diverse and constantly changing: Shaun
Pozyn, head of marketing at kulula.com, takes a light-hearted look at some of the
tribes and what we can learn from them.
The regulars: A little like George Clooney’s world-weary character Ryan Bingham in
the movie Up in the Air, these folk travel a lot and the novelty of being served
champagne while hurtling through the sky is long gone. They have tricks and hacks
to get through check-in and security. Like soldiers trained to field-strip and clean their
weapons in the dark, they’ve honed the procedures of removing laptops and – in the
case of international travel - liquids in plastic bags as they pass through security.
They may time their progress from carpark to airport lounge and look where they can
speed things up. Some bemoan an otherwise flawless routine – perhaps even a new
Personal Best – being thwarted by, say, a tour-group of pensioners. An offshoot of
this tribe is the semi-grator, working in one city, usually on weekdays, and living in
another, usually on weekends.
What we can learn: Streamlining. Some regular travellers may be a little
preoccupied with whether turning left or right in the security queue is quicker – a few
maintain that left is always quicker – but they do easy, genuinely useful things too.
Online check-in, bag-drops, reserved seating and lounge access all make things a
little easier.
The A-lister: This regular traveller is secretly convinced that everyone in the
terminal and aircraft recognises them from the tabloid mags’ social pages and their
Instagram feeds. They may sport sunglasses at any time of day or night and, as a
result, have been known to try to order coffee at airport gift-shops or collide with
furniture and people. They keep their phones ready to take pouty selfies with adoring
fans as they head for yet another junket to sample a new line of cosmetics, along
with their fellow social media influencers.
What we can learn: Lounge access gives you access to bathroom facilities where
you can make sure your no-makeup makeup is on fleek – as the A-listers would say
– before boarding, or simply relax with a drink and a snack. Lounges, like the SLOW
lounges at most domestic airports, are more likely to be able to accommodate A-
lister requests for gluten-free-decaf-no-foam-almond-latte-double-shot-with-a-drizzle-
of-caramel than the outlets in the terminal. Some lounges have showers.
The globetrotter: This tribe comes in many variations, from the travelling vloggers
tick-boxing through a dozen countries a year, to aid workers travelling light while
saving lives. They all have their own proven ways of streamlining their journeys.
Some pack a minimum of clothing and launder them along the way. Others swear by
rolling clothes up rather than folding them or have an array of high-tech gizmos like
solar chargers for their devices or to purify water for drinking. Tribal insignia may
also include neck-pillows designed by NASA, which they wear at all times or dangle
from a backpack, or that sarong that serves as a towel, blanket, parasol and
changing-booth.
What we can learn: Keep an eye on special offers and updates on baggage
allowances. Globetrotters know that these may vary between airlines and they make
sure that they comply with the limitations while they head for the Bora Bora via
Auckland and Port Moresby.
The leisurely: These are often retired or empty-nesters travelling to see children
and grandchildren, often to redeem rewards points. You’ll see them exuding Zen-like
calm in lounges or browsing airport shops. They have the luxury of travelling in the
off-peak hours rather than the early mornings and late afternoons when business
travellers fill up domestic flights.
What we can learn: Give yourself plenty of time to get to the airport and through
security. Although mornings and afternoons are busiest in domestic terminals, you’ll
enjoy your journey more if you’re able to get airside and spend some time unwinding
before boarding.
The unusually proportioned: You needn’t be as tall as Boban Marjanović – at
2.22m, the NBA’s tallest player this season – to feel that you’d like a little extra
legroom. This tribe often endures I’m-glad-I’m-not-him stares from fellow
passengers, who may also dread sitting next to more generously proportioned fellow
passengers.
What we can learn: Know the trade-offs. If you’re tall, you’ll covet an exit-row seat
for its legroom, but the inflight entertainment screens in those seats are usually
smaller. So if you’re of average height or short, on a long-haul flight and enjoy your
movies, select a seat away from an exit-row.
The rebel: You’ll come across these folk in all walks of life, but on aircraft they’re the
ones who regard noncompliance with announcements as a symbol of individuality.
They’ll remove their headphones and switch off their devices only when told to in
person by cabin-crew, and with direct eye-contact. “Oh, you mean ME? Are you
sure?” They bank on the fact that other passengers are reluctant to Cause A Scene
and, while the aircraft taxis and takes off, will furtively perform vitally important online
tasks like adding puppy noses to their Snapchat selfies.
What we can learn: There are always people who use cutlery to extract toast from a
toaster, but airline safety instructions are in place for a reason. Just follow them.
